a worthless existence

The Local.

Some of the most interesting, fascinating people I have ever met I have met in pubs. The public house is a place unlike any other. It is a place where to a large extent all men are equal. Solicitors, Doctors, factory workers and farm hands all frequent the pub. It is one of the few establishments where social class barriers are forgotten in the pursuit of a drink and a peaceful hour. It offers sweet solace from the trials of every day life. As a young boy the pub was an object of fascination to me. It was a dark, secret mystical place of wonderment, the high frosted saloon bar windows hiding the bustle of men and the clamour of voices. It held an attraction that even as a child I could not explain. Far from putting me off drinking, the enigma of it only proved to whet my appetite for the day when I too would be able to enter. The right of passage from boy to manhood for most men is to be able to walk into a pub and order a pint of beer. My first visit into a pub was something of a daunting experience. Sixteen years of age nervously approaching the bar with an unconvincingly deep voice that was as convincingly manly as a woman wearing a false beard and moustache. Sheepishly I order a 'pint of lager'as if it was the most natural thing in the world, careful not to catch the barman's eye should he detect the absolute fear I am trying so desperately to disguise. The whole pub must be able to hear the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. That piercing look from the landlord as he looks you up and down seems to last a lifetime and strips you bear of the last shreds of dignity and self confidence that you may have been clinging to. 'Please God let him serve me for Christ's sake' I can feel every eye in the place bearing into me like a bullet, they know, they can smell the fear oozing off me like an unwashable stench. But when the pint of lager is placed down before you and the money changes hands, suddenly you are twenty feet tall; you are the greatest man who ever lived. From that moment onward your whole life has changed forever. In New York there has been a total ban on smoking in public bars since the beginning of 2003, now Cities across the UK are also imposing similar bans. While I understand the health implications behind the proposals I cant help thinking what the hell is going on? Will this really work? Come on, a pub is a dark smoky environment; it's the nature of a pub, or at least as I know it. Surely it is a plan doomed to failure and only the pubs that ignore this ruling will be the ones with the tills ringing and the pub singing. But U.S bars and British pubs are worlds apart. There has been a trend in recent years to introduce 'bars' across towns and cities,bars that are that are bright and spacious, colourful and attractive. They more resemble gold fish bowls than boozers. The 'British boozer' is out of fashion; to me these plastic bars have nothing of the atmosphere of a traditional pub. Though I will concur that these bars have their place in the world. Whenever I have taken a girl out and gone into the kind of bars I like I have been given a look that lets me know she wants to spit in my face! Coupled with a fearsome glare that says to me 'do you hate me? Why have you brought me here?'